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  • Writer's pictureMichelle Fraley

Reading a first date: 5 signs that they are into you (and that they're not).

Updated: May 29, 2020

first date, relationship advice, dating advice, body language on a first date
Not sure how the date is going? Pay attention to body language!

As a professional matchmaker and dating coach, I know that first dates can be can be confusing. My clients will tell me that the date seemed to be going well. Conversation was natural and flowing. They seemed to be enjoying each others company, but how do they know if there is a true connection? How do they know if the other person was interested in them? Determining what the words and body language REALLY mean can be tricky. Here are 5 signs that someone is into you...and some signs that they are NOT.

1. Proximity: Do they make an effort to get closer to you. Do they inch closer to you while seated or lean in closer when talking? Do they place objects, like their phone or drink, in your physical space? Wanting to be physically close to you is a sure sign of interest! If they angle their body away from you or lean away when you lean in, that is a sign to back off!

2. Touch: Do they make an effort to touch you. Do they brush up against you or touch your arm or hand when talking? Do they lean their body into yours while standing or touch your clothing? Attempts at physical touch are another indication they are probably interested in you! If they obviously avoid touching you or pull away if you try to touch them, they are sending a pretty clear signal of disinterest.

3. Self Touch: Do they touch themselves more when talking to you? This could include playing with their hair or touching their lips or face. Self touch can be sensual and they may be sending you a subtle signal that they are interested.

4. Eye Contact: Eye contact can be a big indicator of interest. Eye contact is intimate so intense eye contact is meaningful. Do they hold your gaze for at least 4 seconds or do a double take (glancing at you, looking away and then looking back?) If so, they might just be interested. However, because eye contact is intimate and can be uncomfortable for some people, eye contact as a measure of interest can be tricky. Not maintaining a steady gaze may be related more to shyness or insecurity than disinterest.

5. Undivided Attention: Do they ignore other stimuli and focus exclusively on you when you’re around? Do they avoid checking their phone in your company? Do they stay engaged with you rather than scanning the room? Maintaining their attention on you is a sure sign of interest. On the other hand, if they are looking for an escape route or for something better to come along, that is a pretty clear sign that they are not into you.

Any of these signs alone may not give you much information, but combined they are powerful indicators that he or she may just be into you...or not! Now that you know what signs to look for, you also know what signs to give out if you are interested and want them to know it!

relationship coach, certified life coach, dating coach, professional matchmaker

About the author:

Michelle Fraley, MA, WPCC is a relationship coach and professional matchmaker and founder and owner of Spark Matchmaking & Relationship Coaching, LLC. Her mission to help people connect and maintain healthy and satisfying relationships using mindfulness and intentional love. She lives in Arizona with her husband, daughter and 4 fur babies.

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