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  • Writer's pictureMichelle Fraley

First Date Red Flags: What to look for and what to avoid!

Updated: May 29, 2020

first date, dating advice, relationship advice, dating red flags
Pay close attention on a first date! You can learn a lot!

As a Professional Matchmaker and Relationship Coach, I often coach clients on first date etiquette and on how to make great impression on a first date. It is also important to be aware not only of your own behavior, but to also play close attention to how your date is behaving.  Here are three unexpected red flags to be aware of on a first date.

1. Negativity Bias - One red flag to be aware of is a preponderance of negativity. If your date seems to comment on pretty much everything in a negative manner, that is a definite red flag that the negativity will persist!  I advise my clients to stick to neutral topics on a first date such as travel, hometowns, pets, ect.  If your date responds to such neutral conversation in a negative manner (i.e. "air travel is so annoying", "I really hated where I grew up" or "animals are such a pain") they are most likely going to a downer about most things.  Also, complaining about the date experience (atmosphere, food, staff) while it is in progress is a red flag that they are difficult to please and probably ultra controlling!  Major negativity, especially on a first date, is just a nope!

2. Lack of Focus - A first date is all about learning about each other and making a connection.  If your date's attention (and eyes) are darting all over the room or they are interrupting you to speak and clearly not listening to what you're saying, that is a definite red flag.  If they cannot seem to pay attention to you when things are new and exciting...forget it in the future!  It does not feel good to be around someone who sends the signal that they are looking for something better or bored with what you are saying.  Lack of focus on a first date is a sure sign to move on.

About the author:

Michelle Fraley, MA, WPCC is a relationship coach and professional matchmaker and founder and owner of Spark Matchmaking & Relationship Coaching, LLC. Her mission to help people connect and maintain healthy and satisfying relationships using mindfulness and intentional love. She lives in Arizona with her husband, daughter and too many animals to mention!

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